Joy Bearer

Yesterday morning we were at a big gym, a hollow concrete structure, old but covered in bright paints and colorful placards. It was musty in there, the air having turned heavy due to clouded skies, though it was hot enough to draw water beads across the brow.

When Rex, the speaker, was done we were invited to give a "father's blessing" to those present, and we once again were surrounded by seekers, only the focus of the prayer was to impart a sense of God's love rather than healing. I had been touched deeply by the Lord's presence earlier in the morning, and found that as I raised my little hand to pray for these dear ones, a different power seemed evident -- their faces flooded with tears, and for many if not most, along with the tears and some shaking, came joy.

People began to line up around me, bringing their friends to me if they had been touched themselves. And of course, all the while, the buoyant giggle of my own turned to LOL (laugh out loud), then to hilarious, heaving, robust chuckles that could not be contained for the sake of my little demure self. My belly began to hurt and my cheeks were sure they would be frozen in this position forever! The last set of girls I prayed for got so blasted with laughter, I wondered if I had said some cultural blunder in my new Portuguese phrases, and asked them. They shook their heads "no" since the delight kept them from speaking. Then it spread out to people who were sitting in the audience. I carried the joyful giggles onto the bus, taking another 15 minutes to calm down.

In the midst of it all, the Lord said, "You are my joy bearer." I immediately balked, relating more immediately to these years of grief and loss that trail me at times and show up like an unbidden stalker that stops me in my tracks and makes me wonder if I will ever be truly light hearted again. For I used to laugh easily and loved sparring with others, teasing with fun banter and silly stories. But the Spirit was not daunted by my hesitation, instead, it seemed that the laughter poured out all the more.

The Lord told me in January that His focus right now is not so much on healing my body, but on healing my faith and my identity. He has stayed true to this word in thousands of ways, and today was one of them. I am a joy bearer. I am. Joy is the truest emotion of the human soul for it is the very atmosphere of heaven, the evidence of the presence of God: fullness of joy. I am honored with such a truth and title, and to sense that as I lifted my hands to pray over others, joy somehow spilled out and scattered into the room. Hilarious joy, laughter with out self consciousness or reserve. The stuff of heaven came to earth in me and around me today, and I could sense myself healing on a level beyond thought or emotion, in the place of my true self, the joyful one.

I want to add that in the midst of all this a worker brought a young woman to me who had had 5 back surgeries and was in constant pain. She said her church didn't believe in healing, and so she wanted to be prayed for here. As I prayed, signs of the Spirit crept over her, and she fell under the power of God. Still, I was surprised when she came up to me a few minutes later weeping and saying, "The pain is gone!" "I came with pain and it is gone!" Talk about a reason to rejoice.

I tasted joy unspeakable and full of glory today...and I am grateful beyond words.